Thursday, March 24, 2016


I used to remember a time in my life when my emotions were never constant, on top of being a girl that is, although at that time I hadn't really attributed it to my gender. I'd like to say so many negative things about that phase of my life, but I couldn't really because during all those helpless and painful moments, I learned to fight on bended knees, and I did grow a lot in my spiritual life. Milestones, those trying times, as I would call them.

Today, for so long, I was able to feel emotions so strong - of pain, defiance, fear, helplessness, and even courage. It's always a good thing when people come to an understanding, but sometimes the process has to be painful. Just remembering how it felt, with tears streaming down my face makes me want to just cry again. You know that feeling when you're sobbing and you're still trying to put a brave face on, when you start out angry but as you start to listen, you slowly begin to understand, and all the previously heightened negative emotions finally subside, when you eventually learn to admit that you've also made a mistake, and the appreciation and awe at seeing someone so angry trying to control his temper to be able to explain things properly and resolve the conflict. Things like this don't happen everyday, and I was just glad to see the good I have always believed to exist in someone so misjudged. This post is not even about love, ladies and gentlemen, yet it's very emotional.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Rooftop Soliloquy

by Roman Paine

“Did I live the spring I’d sought?
It’s true in joy, I walked along,
took part in dance,
and sang the song.
and never tried to bind an hour
to my borrowed garden bower;
nor did I once entreat
a day to slumber at my feet.

Yet days aren’t lulled by lyric song,
like morning birds they pass along,
o’er crests of trees, to none belong;
o’er crests of trees of drying dew,
their larking flight, my hands, eschew
Thus I’ll say it once and true…

From all that I saw,
and everywhere I wandered,
I learned that time cannot be spent,
It only can be squandered.”

Thursday, March 17, 2016


What inspired me to write tonight is remembering the phrase "warm, fuzzy feeling" a friend used to describe the word love.

There was a little bit of a disagreement there. I look at love seriously, and almost sacredly perhaps, I couldn't accept it to be as superficial as a warm, fuzzy feeling that comes and goes away. 

I guess it does help to understand it when there's a comparison involved. Now I know that love is when you can't stay mad at the other person for too long - it doesn't matter if you've been upset all day, you'll still end up forgiving, and you just can't fathom in your tiny little brain "why"! Love is when you choose to trust instead of entertaining negative thoughts. Love is when you wouldn't want to change a person, regardless of any annoying behavior (Oh, my Google must be American ^^,), only because you want that person to be free - free to be who he/she wants to be. And it's scary realizing that you've been in a long-term relationship for too long without ever experiencing these things. That's when you start using comparison to define it.

So yeah, there are moments of indifference as well. I guess that's when the warm, fuzzy feeling goes away, according to my friend. And yes I agree, it does come and go. I shouldn't have begged to disagree. Yet somehow, it's knowing that even if this strange emotion is fickle, as I am, the assurance that the other person will always just be there, regardless of what he/she is feeling - well, isn't that the best feeling ever? What an irony! Sadly, it's not almost always that two people feel the same towards each other.


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