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Wednesday, April 27, 2016

These are a few of my favourite things...

I've just come up with a few things I kind of miss doing, favourites or not.

1. If there's one thing in common between all the members of my immediate family, it is our love for Reader's Digest. My mother would usually buy back issues from this guy who sells magazines in our school. Back issues because they're cheaper by I don't know how much, but a bargain is still a bargain, and we didn't enjoy reading them any less. When I think of Reader's Digest I get happy thoughts. It makes me remember my brother, who would always beat me to reading them first. It makes me remember my mom, who would never fail to buy them every month. I wonder if she buys them for herself, for us, or for the purpose of helping the poor guy who sells them. Oh, I've been here two years now, I need to make/get my own subscription. I don't have a mother here who would buy back issues for me anymore. *sigh*


2. Playing the piano at church. It's not even about playing during the service, but those raw, uninhibited moments when everyone would just let me play to my heart's content while they're all sat chatting in the gazebo, doing whatever they're doing. My mom has always told everyone that I express myself better in music. She instantly knows when I have a problem just with the way I play, or with my choice of music. Obviously, she's got her mother's instinct, honed by many years of putting up with me. If it were true, I wonder how I must have survived two years in this foreign country without playing on a regular basis. An 88-key keyboard with portable pedal is nothing similar to a grand piano.


3. Going to the mall after an 8-hour shift. It seemed the most normal thing to do where I come from. There's always a lot going on at any time of the day. Shops never close early, there's always a restaurant/shop nearby. At the back of my head, it's something I may never be able to enjoy again the way I used to, but at least somehow every time I go home, I get a taste of the life I once lived. I feel nostalgic now just writing about it.


4. Spending time with church family every Sunday. After the service, we would have lunch together, get rest for a few hours, have afternoon fellowship with the young people, and chat again afterwards. Oh how I miss Christian fellowship back home. (insert sad face here)


It's funny how I can only think of one place in the world every time I think of things I miss the most. I guess if I move back there, I'll miss everything about "here" too. Ah, human nature indeed.

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Emotions

I used to remember a time in my life when my emotions were never constant, on top of being a girl that is, although at that time I hadn't really attributed it to my gender. I'd like to say so many negative things about that phase of my life, but I couldn't really because during all those helpless and painful moments, I learned to fight on bended knees, and I did grow a lot in my spiritual life. Milestones, those trying times, as I would call them.

Today, for so long, I was able to feel emotions so strong - of pain, defiance, fear, helplessness, and even courage. It's always a good thing when people come to an understanding, but sometimes the process has to be painful. Just remembering how it felt, with tears streaming down my face makes me want to just cry again. You know that feeling when you're sobbing and you're still trying to put a brave face on, when you start out angry but as you start to listen, you slowly begin to understand, and all the previously heightened negative emotions finally subside, when you eventually learn to admit that you've also made a mistake, and the appreciation and awe at seeing someone so angry trying to control his temper to be able to explain things properly and resolve the conflict. Things like this don't happen everyday, and I was just glad to see the good I have always believed to exist in someone so misjudged. This post is not even about love, ladies and gentlemen, yet it's very emotional.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Rooftop Soliloquy

by Roman Paine

“Did I live the spring I’d sought?
It’s true in joy, I walked along,
took part in dance,
and sang the song.
and never tried to bind an hour
to my borrowed garden bower;
nor did I once entreat
a day to slumber at my feet.















Yet days aren’t lulled by lyric song,
like morning birds they pass along,
o’er crests of trees, to none belong;
o’er crests of trees of drying dew,
their larking flight, my hands, eschew
Thus I’ll say it once and true…

From all that I saw,
and everywhere I wandered,
I learned that time cannot be spent,
It only can be squandered.”

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Unlearned

What inspired me to write tonight is remembering the phrase "warm, fuzzy feeling" a friend used to describe the word love.

There was a little bit of a disagreement there. I look at love seriously, and almost sacredly perhaps, I couldn't accept it to be as superficial as a warm, fuzzy feeling that comes and goes away. 

I guess it does help to understand it when there's a comparison involved. Now I know that love is when you can't stay mad at the other person for too long - it doesn't matter if you've been upset all day, you'll still end up forgiving, and you just can't fathom in your tiny little brain "why"! Love is when you choose to trust instead of entertaining negative thoughts. Love is when you wouldn't want to change a person, regardless of any annoying behavior (Oh, my Google must be American ^^,), only because you want that person to be free - free to be who he/she wants to be. And it's scary realizing that you've been in a long-term relationship for too long without ever experiencing these things. That's when you start using comparison to define it.

So yeah, there are moments of indifference as well. I guess that's when the warm, fuzzy feeling goes away, according to my friend. And yes I agree, it does come and go. I shouldn't have begged to disagree. Yet somehow, it's knowing that even if this strange emotion is fickle, as I am, the assurance that the other person will always just be there, regardless of what he/she is feeling - well, isn't that the best feeling ever? What an irony! Sadly, it's not almost always that two people feel the same towards each other.

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