I Remember It This Way

I've been working in the ICU exactly a month and a day today and in that course of time, we've had two cardiac arrest patients.

This one today, however, was a very special one. Every time I recall it in my head, I just relive the moment and feel the exact same way I felt at that time.

My patient is suffering from chronic kidney disease and she is also a diabetic. She is basically bedridden and unable to move by herself, and talk even, but during her first few days she would usually respond with a nod or by slightly moving her head sideways. Her husband comes to see her everyday, wash her, clean her up, do passive rom exercises, and talk to her. Everyday without fail. They don't have a child, and the husband has actually decided to put up their house for sale in order to pay for the treatment and needs of his wife. He stays in the hospital all the time, and checks on her every once in a while, sometimes even before the visiting hours start. Although we would tell him to wait until the specified time, of course.

Just by looking at his devotion to her, you could see how much he cares about her. She is his life.

Today, when the bad news was delivered I witnessed that heartbreaking moment. And everything was in slow motion as I watched the husband run through the door towards the bed of his wife. Finally, he moved his head close to her head and broke down in silent tears. I watched his heart broken into tiny little pieces, and he stayed there for a while. I don't know how long exactly, but time stood still. And I was crushed. I was crushed for him, the one who survived. For what will become of him? The love of his life - his life - is now gone.

I've seen too many scenes like this in the movies, but none quite as touching. This is reality. This is true love. This is loss.

Life is strange, indeed, but I believe.....God is in control.